Sunday, 30 May 2010

Dennis Lee Hopper (May 17, 1936 – May 29, 2010)

Easy Rider. The counterculture film.

Steppenwolf's "Born to be wild". The genesis of heavy metal.

"It's not who you boys are or what you look like, it's what you represent that scares these people."

RIP Dennis.

Friday, 21 May 2010

For Taz.

This is for Niko, who as a dog owner would never, ever kick a dog.

If he knows what's good for him.

I've had dogs all my life, apart from between the ages of eighteen to twenty-seven.(No, not prison like you Niko)

The first was "Angus", a black and white crossbreed who probably was more of a guard dog than a family pet, as my four year old self was warned not to go near him.

Yet I did, and got a vicious(to me)nip, and a chase to the end of his tether.

The next dog I knew well was a Golden Labrador brought home by my brother when I was about eight. Called "Paddy" he was a major influence in my life. Playing puppy tug with his blanket one evening, he lost his grip on it and then reaffirmed it on my tracksuit bottoms and ripped them off in full view of older girls playing next door...

Yet he became my best friend of course. I went to college one day and came back to find him gone.

For the best.

He'd had a cough, the vet was called, throat cancer was discovered, and he was put down. My eighteen year old self, distraught and taking it out on my parents, made a bad situation horrible by railing at them, saying they should have fucking waited till I'd got home.

Part of me still thinks that...

A few years later, and I got owned by a tiny Jack called "Thunder". I'd just moved to a small village and knew nobody. Going to the pub with him I became acquaintanced with his many friends, he would jump up on a barstool and stare the landlord in the eye until he got his rightful pepperami.

Then I'd get a pint as an afterthought.

He died aged eighteen, and I vowed, no more dogs. They hurt too much.

I did not reckon on my daughter. I got a phonecall at work, saying I had a "surprise" waiting for me when I got home.

Hoping it was a Harley, I opened the front door and a tiny ball of hair, pink tongue and whipping tail climbed up my trousers and leapt into my hands.

What could I do?

Um...especially since I had been talking to a guy in the pub about a pup from his nieces' Parson Russell bitch's litter...

So I had two dogs. A drunken thought of breeding them took hold. And was fulfilled.

So now I have four dogs.


Rescue dog,(not from a dog charity, still had fallopian tubes) Mostly Jack Russell, with a hint of Yorky.

Gizmo: Parson Jack Russell. Biggest one I have ever seen. Looks like a small Foxhound.

Alpha male, have to watch him with other male dogs.


Escape artist.No hole too small, no fence too tall.


Worst name ever. Tolerates humans, anything, anything else is fair game. Upper canines protrude below lower jaw, but hidden by hair. Suprises her victims.

Then kills them.

I have stories.
Another time.

Thursday, 20 May 2010

Problems with Facebook

Islamic militants; you will lose if you push hard enough.

Monday, 17 May 2010

End of the Rainbow.

Ronnie James Dio July 10, 1942 – May 16, 2010
I went to see Rainbow at the Ingliston Pavilion in 1979.
Expecting to see the Terry Gilliamesque jailor from Life of Brian with a voice that could fell trees, I got short haired, willy-waving Graham Bonnet instead.
Weigh a pie Ronnie.

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Hootsmon Headlines

I was a relatively young man when the Tories got in before, and middle-aged when they were kicked out again. Most of the comedians around then that were any good were the "Alternative" ones, and they were to a "person" anti Thatch.

Today's blogs are the alternative comedians of the eighties made manifold; how will we be blogging in ten or fifteen years?

True to the Hootsmon ethos I ignored all the Nat blogs out there who will still fight the good fight.

And I know Webber wasn't a comedian, at least in his own eyes...

Friday, 7 May 2010

Hootsmon Headlines

I stayed up till the booze ran out. I'm a wee bit disappointed of course, but it could have been worse. Imagine the disaster if the MSM had been against us?

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Hootsmon Election Headlines

Yes I know it's a guinea pig, the usual Hootsmon journalistic licence applies.

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

A Two Edged Sword

Lurch is a tall, shambling, lugubrious secretary who somewhat resembles Frankenstein's monster (as played by Boris Karloff). Although fully capable of normal speech, Lurch often communicates via simple inarticulate moans, which, much like the dialogue of Cousin Iain, his employers(Darling and Broon) have no trouble understanding. The BritNats often comment that Lurch is eloquent and vivacious, especially when coming last in debates.