Saturday, 31 December 2011

The Year of the Nat.

The UN building 20...?

Thanks to Alex Salmond, it's now become a probability rather than a pie-in-the-sky possibility.

2011 has been the "Year of the Nat" according to Alan Cochrane at the Telegraph. Of course the subliminal message Nat=Rat is what he meant...but is has been a fantastic year for Scotland and the SNP.
Let us hope that the next year shall be better. A Guid New Year everyone.


Saturday, 24 December 2011

Merry ChriFSMas

Aaaargh and avast me hearties. Have a nice time and be excellent to one another.

Thursday, 22 December 2011

Alack and alas.

Please remind me not to post when drunk...

Monday, 21 November 2011

Not the Hootsmon Headlines

Been a wee bit busy the past couple of weeks, so no posting, although I have found a new source of wonder in the Torygraph.

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Herbert "Bert" Jansch 1943 - 2011

It's been a bad year for musicians.

And it bothers me...

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Squaring the Circle.

Above is an amazing optical illusion, four circles composed of offset squares. I looked hard and long at this; my brain knew they were separate circles yet I could only wrestle the centre one to the ground and brand it.
Then, being on a mind altering substance(Leffe Brun), my mind went off at a tangent and I thought of The Daily Mail comments section.(I know... Please bear with me.)
 Is this how Middle Englanders perceive themselves? Do they only see the one circle in the centre as England, the rest the other countries in the union?
 No matter how often a Scot or a Welshman tells them that they are not the centre of the universe they look at a mental equivalent of this diagram and shake their heads in disbelief?

Over the top, I know. Yet every time a comment is posted on such forums that Scots are subsidy junkies; why should the sweaties get free this and free that and the hardworking English taxpayer is paying for it all, I grit my teeth and try to counter this with fact.

Yet the next time it all happens again.

Look at it. There are four separate circles. They just look attached...

Friday, 16 September 2011

Auld Hootsmon Headlines

I first wrote this in 2009.

And it all starts again...

Beautiful Road Bridge over the briny Forth

That lets you visit the village of Queensferry, North

And hosts a bus service that takes you straight to Deep Sea World

I am here to tell you of a terrible tale which unfurled

When the bus tried to leave Edinburgh, where the cold wind swirled

The passenger's hearts were light and felt no sorrow

But TIE in it's wrath had ploughed a furrow

From Haymarket to Shandwick Place was a hole in the ground

Right along Princes Street and away past the Mound

(Hang on this is not in my plans; I'm writing doggerel, which almost scans

But heh, I'm only looking for an excuse; to start off McGonagall and end up Suess)

But back to the bus, the passengers happy

Not yet knowing how long they would wait for a lavvie.

So the bus crawled on with all of it's might

Keeping ladies with Zimmerframes, just within sight

At Haymarket; the passengers, bladders in pain

Got off the bus and on to the train...

Monday, 12 September 2011

Hootsmon Headlines

Scox is a Great Marquis of Hell, and has power over thirty legions of demons. He takes away the sight, hearing and understanding of any person under the conjurer's request...

Sunday, 21 August 2011

Hootsmon Headlines

This bit is for Union is Great...

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

Hootsmon Headlines

Riots in the streets of London, British servicemen fighting in two different countries and what is the headline for three days on the Scotsman?
A man who donated money to the SNP gets knighted...
Comic indeed.

Saturday, 6 August 2011

Puppy love

A new addition to the family.

Grandson number one's wee bundle of joy, a Staffy puppy called Tyson.

The name, of course, is his tribute to cultural relativism...

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Hootsmon Headlines

This is a bit too late, but believe me I've been trying to post this in some form or another for about ten days.(Blogger, computer and another reason, see below)
I still can't answer comments; I'm not being ignorant honestly.
It was my daughters graduation ceremony yesterday; the past ten or so days have been soo lovely for me as two women manged to fill two beds and one dining table with a variety of clothes, shoes and handbags...
But the look on my daughter's face was worth it.

The free champagne was a bonus.

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Normal service will be resumed...

I haven't been posting lately because of a mixture of illness, blogger, grandbairns, blogger, sick computers and blogger; I've come to the end of my tether, if this doesn't post...

Thursday, 26 May 2011

Hootsmon Headlines

Bloggers been playing up again, for me at least-I can't comment on my own blog!

Friday, 6 May 2011

Hootsmon Headlines

What can I say that hasn't been said countless times today?


Friday, 29 April 2011

He Cannae Cope

If Lallands Peat Worrier thinks this is good enough for a post-who am I to argue?

Anybody out there with with ideas for other verses feel free.

And to the kind seekers after knowledge: alas I am not the Tweeter known as LABOURSCOTLAND.

Though he did nick one of my headlines.

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Sun of Hootsmon Headlines

As much as I dislike the Sun (though I loved it when I was twelve, for reason's I shall not go into) at least there is there is a section of the MSM supporting the SNP, if not Independence. We all know it's a cynical marketing ploy, but...

Poor Tavish, he seems harmless enough, but I came across this photo of him and the pun kept gnawing and gnawing at me. Itch scratched.

What really disturbed me last night was a Denial of service attack on the Newsnet Scotland site.

Yet again I'm quoting Ghandi: "First they ignore you (BBC) then they laugh at you(certain commenters on the Scotsman forum) then they fight you, (Let's all guess shall we?)then you win."

Saturday, 9 April 2011

Secret Diary

What can I say? The guy is a prick... Taxi forGray...

Sunday, 3 April 2011

Secret Diary

More childish scribblings. I try my best, just like Gray. But I'm not running for Holyrood...

Friday, 1 April 2011

Hootsmon Headlines

I seem to be jinxed with Hunt the Gowk posts, never able to post them first thing.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

What rhymes with Tavish?

Not posted for a wee while. As Joanne said, Grandbairns and work, plus a two day bender with the Rugby.
The above pic? I live in West Edinburgh, and for many years I tactically voted "sob" LibDem until the Tory meltdown and I'm pretty sure many others did too.
Those voters will never come back to them now. Tainted.
No Hootsmons for a wee while either, once I could read a Maddox article and slightly exaggerate it; no more. Has it finally got through to them that all the SNP Accused headlines weren't doing quite the job they hoped? Perhaps. The election campaign hasn't really begun, there may be many more Hootsmons yet...

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Hootsmon Headlines

Thanks to Lallands who first seen the remarkable resemblence to Iain Gray in the pub sign of the Jekyll & Hyde pub on Hanover St.

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Hootsmon Headlines

For all you pedants, I know there is a fifty year gap between the Act of Union and Deacon Brodie; but it is the Hootsmon after all.

Wednesday, 9 February 2011


I've just realised it's been a wee while since ma last post.

It's been a repairing hoose, looking after grandbairns, flatpack erecting, new ceiling painting, waiting on effing deliverymen, stopping dogs from attacking deliverymen, kind o' week.

It's also been edifying(?) watching the MSM jumping into action after the deal in the desert; the SNP were to blame, they let oot a "convicted" mass murderer for a free hand with airguns...FFS.

Yet some people will believe it...there is an election near after all.

Monday, 24 January 2011

Hootsmon Headlines

The roofer came at nine on Wednesday morning and was finished by twelve, narrowly beating the plasterer, who came at eleven on Thursday morning and was finished by three.
And they weren't even Poles...
So, Friday, Saturday and Sunday were given up to the Grandbairns, leaving little time for bugger all else until now.

My brother has a new book out called "The Bookie's Runner". It's special to me as it's about our father who died when I was a toddler.

You can get the kindle version on Amazon.

Saturday, 15 January 2011

Hootsmon Headlines

Some Classical references in this, I apologise to the reader who won't get them Niko.

Sunday, 9 January 2011

Hootsmon Headlines

Not a good New Year so far. Buckets and basins are at the ready for the next thaw, but at least there's nothing left to damage. Holding off on the flatpack construction till the builders have been so we're living out of black bin liners.

Curse this global warming! Maybe this year I'll be able to plant vines in my garden Bugger.

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

Secret Diary

This is for Ailuropoda Melanoleuca Peccatum Sodomiticum.

He's from abroad.