Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Squaring the Circle.

Above is an amazing optical illusion, four circles composed of offset squares. I looked hard and long at this; my brain knew they were separate circles yet I could only wrestle the centre one to the ground and brand it.
Then, being on a mind altering substance(Leffe Brun), my mind went off at a tangent and I thought of The Daily Mail comments section.(I know... Please bear with me.)
 Is this how Middle Englanders perceive themselves? Do they only see the one circle in the centre as England, the rest the other countries in the union?
 No matter how often a Scot or a Welshman tells them that they are not the centre of the universe they look at a mental equivalent of this diagram and shake their heads in disbelief?

Over the top, I know. Yet every time a comment is posted on such forums that Scots are subsidy junkies; why should the sweaties get free this and free that and the hardworking English taxpayer is paying for it all, I grit my teeth and try to counter this with fact.

Yet the next time it all happens again.

Look at it. There are four separate circles. They just look attached...

Friday, 16 September 2011

Auld Hootsmon Headlines

I first wrote this in 2009.

And it all starts again...

Beautiful Road Bridge over the briny Forth

That lets you visit the village of Queensferry, North

And hosts a bus service that takes you straight to Deep Sea World

I am here to tell you of a terrible tale which unfurled

When the bus tried to leave Edinburgh, where the cold wind swirled

The passenger's hearts were light and felt no sorrow

But TIE in it's wrath had ploughed a furrow

From Haymarket to Shandwick Place was a hole in the ground

Right along Princes Street and away past the Mound

(Hang on this is not in my plans; I'm writing doggerel, which almost scans

But heh, I'm only looking for an excuse; to start off McGonagall and end up Suess)

But back to the bus, the passengers happy

Not yet knowing how long they would wait for a lavvie.

So the bus crawled on with all of it's might

Keeping ladies with Zimmerframes, just within sight

At Haymarket; the passengers, bladders in pain

Got off the bus and on to the train...

Monday, 12 September 2011

Hootsmon Headlines

Scox is a Great Marquis of Hell, and has power over thirty legions of demons. He takes away the sight, hearing and understanding of any person under the conjurer's request...